Friday, February 26, 2010
Janie's Doctor Visit
I forgot to mention in my last post that Janie went to the doctor Wednesday afternoon and he is pleased with her progress. She is at 35 weeks now and he wants her to go into the hospital to get a measurement of the baby and then for another follow-up visit early next week. We don't think she will make it much past 37 weeks, as both of her boys were delivered then. But, you never know. Although this baby can't come soon enough for us at this point, we are very grateful that it probably won't be a preemie!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Right out of Jerry Springer...
Our adoption took a crazy left turn on Monday afternoon. I don't even know how I am going to capture this week on paper, but it all started with a phone call from a social worker up at the hospital where Sadie was born. We missed seeing this social worker, Annie, during our trip to see Janie and Michael last November when we visited the NICU unit at this hospital. While we were visiting, we told the nurses that we were in process of adopting Sadie's biological sibling and could possibly be back at the NICU in the future. They took pictures of Sadie and when we left I told them to tell Annie we said "hello". It was the weekend, and she wasn't working. I was somewhat surprised to hear her voice on the other side of the phone on Monday, but also excited as she was a pivotal player in Sadie's adoption and loved the opportunity to get to say "hello". But as we were catching up socially for a minute, in the back of my mind I was totally wondering why on earth she was calling me after not talking with her since we left the hospital with Sadie. She finally said, "The reason I am calling is that I got a phone call from a lawyer who was informing me of all the players in an upcoming adoption happening here at the hospital. The lawyer mentioned that the birth parents were Janie and Michael and the adoptive couple was a couple in Massachusetts." At that point, she proceeded to tell me that when she got Janie's name, she remembered who she was and that we had adopted her child, Sadie, and had heard through the NICU that we were in process of adopting her sibling. She was thinking that maybe the adoption fell through for us, but felt like she should track down my number and find out for sure. Obviously, the worst was true... Janie and Michael were a part of adoption fraud.
So, after MANY phone calls to the agency in MA, our lawyers, etc... it all came out. Janie and Michael had been receiving monthly support from this agency, as well as from us, since last October. They had been recently matched with an adoptive couple a month ago. It was the exact time when Janie started completely acting out of character with me and was in somewhat of a panic asking me what all of the options were if Michael changed his mind. Reflecting back, I wonder if she was trying to see how it would affect us and our relationship if she went with this agency. She might have felt more comfortable telling us "no" just because we have a good relationship. I guess I will never know.
I spoke with the agency again on Tuesday morning and they told me that she was definitely acting wishy washy with them as well, and so her gut feeling was that Janie had intended to either place the child with us or with neither of us. The birth mom coordinator at the agency called Janie on Tuesday morning, confronted her with the truth and got hung up on. It definitely wasn't looking positive for us. I called Janie and left her a message leaving A LOT of room for them to call us back, but didn't hear a thing all day. Finally, I left another message saying that I hoped that they had intended to place this child with us the whole time and not scam us as well, but that we would have to assume the worst if we didn't hear from them. In the meantime, I was researching adoption fraud cases and talking to our lawyer to figure out how to proceed if we wanted to press charges.
That night I was pretty flat. I couldn't even process or grieve the fact that we weren't going to be bringing Keller home because I just couldn't wrap by brain around the relational betrayal. And I did not at all think we would be hearing from them.
But, at 12:30am I got a phone call from Janie and when I answered, she hung up. I figured she was just really scared and so I called back and left a message telling her to call again and I wouldn't pick up this time so that she could leave a message. Sure enough, 40 minutes later she called again. She said, amongst other things, that they had always intended to place the child with us and not with the agency. I called her back again and told her to call me in the morning.
She called me around 9am yesterday morning and we got a chance to talk for a long time. Her story is that all of this started because they are being extorted for money. In order for Michael to get probation and not 15 years of jail, they basically had to turn in every drug dealer in their town. It hasn't left them with a lot of friends. Janie is saying that they are paying a couple of guys (or their friends or family- not sure) that were turned in in order to keep them from harming them or their family (remember they have 3 boys). I knew during Sadie's pregnancy that Janie had been attacked at one point from one of these guys and she was extremely scared. But, to be honest, I really don't know if she is telling me the truth. I do believe that they are probably being extorted for money, but who knows what for. She also tried to tell me that Michael didn't know anything about this second agency, but that is extremely hard to believe and I told her so. She replied, "Well, I guess it is probably pretty hard to believe anything I say right now." Smart girl. The reason she would try to protect Michael is because he is on probation already and would go back to jail for a long, long time for this fraud.
She also told me that they do want to still place this child with us and that she was going to the doctor that afternoon to see how she was doing. We definitely want to bring this little boy home. Even more so now that we know the kind of life he would be living, if he stayed with them. When all of this broke open, Sadie was in the middle of a nap. Getting her up after hearing this news, I can't BEGIN to tell you how much my heart sank for her that her birth parents had to screw this good relationship with us up. But, I also looked at her and thanked GOD for plucking her sweet little spirit up out of Kentucky and placing her in our home. I just can't get over how He sovereignly does that. He has a purpose and a plan behind it and we are so blessed to have her a part of our family.
Prayers for us?
I know this may sound odd, but our biggest prayer is not that we would bring this baby boy home. Do we want that with all of our heart? Absolutely. But, the biggest thing on our hearts is that we would be good stewards of this situation and walk through it with integrity, entrusting all of the results to God. It is SO very easy to want to try to control and/or manipulate the situation now that they could be charged with fraud, but we don't want to do that just so that we get what we want. Well, we do, but we don't. : ) We just don't want to miss out on what God has in store for us. We want His name STAMPED all over this situation regardless of how it turns out!!!!! And we want to experience Him throughout the journey. We really do trust that if we are supposed to have this child, we will. The way that God wrote the story of Sadie's adoption is definitely not the way I would have written it and yet it was FAR better. I pray we end up with another story that strengthens our faith during this situation.
The other thing you can pray for is for Janie and Michael's 3 boys. We really aren't sure if they will go to jail or not at this point. If they do, we don't know what will happen with the boys.
The last thing is that Janie and Michael will choose to do the next right thing. I so desire for them to experience the freedom that comes from obedience to God. Right now, they are in total bondage to their life of lies and self protection. If only they knew how much God could turn all of this around for them, if they would choose to trust Him. They will very well have serious consequences, but at least they would experience God's amazing, amazing grace and presence throughout.
As you can imagine, we are emotionally exhausted. So, we might not want to return calls, etc... to rehash the whole story right away, but please know that your love, encouragement, and prayers mean the world to us. We couldn't do this life without you!
So, after MANY phone calls to the agency in MA, our lawyers, etc... it all came out. Janie and Michael had been receiving monthly support from this agency, as well as from us, since last October. They had been recently matched with an adoptive couple a month ago. It was the exact time when Janie started completely acting out of character with me and was in somewhat of a panic asking me what all of the options were if Michael changed his mind. Reflecting back, I wonder if she was trying to see how it would affect us and our relationship if she went with this agency. She might have felt more comfortable telling us "no" just because we have a good relationship. I guess I will never know.
I spoke with the agency again on Tuesday morning and they told me that she was definitely acting wishy washy with them as well, and so her gut feeling was that Janie had intended to either place the child with us or with neither of us. The birth mom coordinator at the agency called Janie on Tuesday morning, confronted her with the truth and got hung up on. It definitely wasn't looking positive for us. I called Janie and left her a message leaving A LOT of room for them to call us back, but didn't hear a thing all day. Finally, I left another message saying that I hoped that they had intended to place this child with us the whole time and not scam us as well, but that we would have to assume the worst if we didn't hear from them. In the meantime, I was researching adoption fraud cases and talking to our lawyer to figure out how to proceed if we wanted to press charges.
That night I was pretty flat. I couldn't even process or grieve the fact that we weren't going to be bringing Keller home because I just couldn't wrap by brain around the relational betrayal. And I did not at all think we would be hearing from them.
But, at 12:30am I got a phone call from Janie and when I answered, she hung up. I figured she was just really scared and so I called back and left a message telling her to call again and I wouldn't pick up this time so that she could leave a message. Sure enough, 40 minutes later she called again. She said, amongst other things, that they had always intended to place the child with us and not with the agency. I called her back again and told her to call me in the morning.
She called me around 9am yesterday morning and we got a chance to talk for a long time. Her story is that all of this started because they are being extorted for money. In order for Michael to get probation and not 15 years of jail, they basically had to turn in every drug dealer in their town. It hasn't left them with a lot of friends. Janie is saying that they are paying a couple of guys (or their friends or family- not sure) that were turned in in order to keep them from harming them or their family (remember they have 3 boys). I knew during Sadie's pregnancy that Janie had been attacked at one point from one of these guys and she was extremely scared. But, to be honest, I really don't know if she is telling me the truth. I do believe that they are probably being extorted for money, but who knows what for. She also tried to tell me that Michael didn't know anything about this second agency, but that is extremely hard to believe and I told her so. She replied, "Well, I guess it is probably pretty hard to believe anything I say right now." Smart girl. The reason she would try to protect Michael is because he is on probation already and would go back to jail for a long, long time for this fraud.
She also told me that they do want to still place this child with us and that she was going to the doctor that afternoon to see how she was doing. We definitely want to bring this little boy home. Even more so now that we know the kind of life he would be living, if he stayed with them. When all of this broke open, Sadie was in the middle of a nap. Getting her up after hearing this news, I can't BEGIN to tell you how much my heart sank for her that her birth parents had to screw this good relationship with us up. But, I also looked at her and thanked GOD for plucking her sweet little spirit up out of Kentucky and placing her in our home. I just can't get over how He sovereignly does that. He has a purpose and a plan behind it and we are so blessed to have her a part of our family.
Prayers for us?
I know this may sound odd, but our biggest prayer is not that we would bring this baby boy home. Do we want that with all of our heart? Absolutely. But, the biggest thing on our hearts is that we would be good stewards of this situation and walk through it with integrity, entrusting all of the results to God. It is SO very easy to want to try to control and/or manipulate the situation now that they could be charged with fraud, but we don't want to do that just so that we get what we want. Well, we do, but we don't. : ) We just don't want to miss out on what God has in store for us. We want His name STAMPED all over this situation regardless of how it turns out!!!!! And we want to experience Him throughout the journey. We really do trust that if we are supposed to have this child, we will. The way that God wrote the story of Sadie's adoption is definitely not the way I would have written it and yet it was FAR better. I pray we end up with another story that strengthens our faith during this situation.
The other thing you can pray for is for Janie and Michael's 3 boys. We really aren't sure if they will go to jail or not at this point. If they do, we don't know what will happen with the boys.
The last thing is that Janie and Michael will choose to do the next right thing. I so desire for them to experience the freedom that comes from obedience to God. Right now, they are in total bondage to their life of lies and self protection. If only they knew how much God could turn all of this around for them, if they would choose to trust Him. They will very well have serious consequences, but at least they would experience God's amazing, amazing grace and presence throughout.
As you can imagine, we are emotionally exhausted. So, we might not want to return calls, etc... to rehash the whole story right away, but please know that your love, encouragement, and prayers mean the world to us. We couldn't do this life without you!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
A Few Pictures...
Ok. So, I have a few pictures to share in order to get this blog started off right : ) Here are a couple of pictures of our little boy's room. My mom helped me make the curtains and we still need to hem those at the bottom and I would like to add some animal spots to the letters in "Keller", but other than that, we are close to being done!
Isn't the monkey picture cute? The sister of my good friend, Bianca, painted that for me. Love it!
Our Second Adoption!
Welcome back, friends and family! Recently, a couple of good friends of mine threw me a shower and someone asked if I would have the blog up and running again. There it was. The question that helped me to get this blog back on my "to-do" list of things to accomplish before the baby actually arrives. Grateful to no longer be procrastinating. : )
For those of you who are new to our story, we are in process of adopting our first daughter's biological sibling. Her birth mom, Janie, is pregnant again and due March 30th. Janie has preeclampsia, so we aren't sure exactly when she will deliver, but we know it will probably be at 37 weeks tops. This child will be Janie and Michael's (Janie's husband) child. The reason they are placing the child for adoption is because they cannot provide for the child financially. And, as I get this question probably more than any other - yes, she is planning on having her tubes tied during this delivery. : )
Many things are different through this adoption than with Sadie. One BIG one is that our little guy's room is actually almost finished. I will post a picture soon. As some of you may remember, we hadn't even moved when Sadie was born. So, needless to say, her room wasn't even close to being done when she arrived. Plus we had a bazillion boxes to go through and unpack when we came home with her. My mom graciously had painters paint the room pink, but that was about it. We didn't even have a wall up in between her room and ours (the previous owners took it down). Today, having the room pretty much done and not having the stress of moving in the process puts me in a much better emotional place. Again, grateful.
Another thing different is that we already know the birthparents. And we have a relationship with them. It puts our minds a little bit at ease. However, Janie has recently expressed doubts that Michael will sign the papers once the baby arrives. She assures me that this doubt is nothing that Michael has verbally shared, she just wonders if he will do the same thing as he did with Sadie. And she is fearful for what that would mean for our relationship. I am not really sure how to take all of this right now, but I can tell you that I am SO very grateful for a God who is completely in control of this outcome. I don't have to control or manipulate anything because I know that if He desires for us to have this child, it will happen. And if it doesn't happen, I can trust that God has a good reason for it. Who has been praying for me? Whoever you are, I am very thankful as I can honestly say that I feel a huge amount of peace this week about it all!
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