What's Next?

I want to thank everyone again for all of the outpouring of love and support through this miscarriage.  It really has been a rough road.  I was doing really well until yesterday when I started boohooing again after praying for a good friend of mine who was going in for her last 2 embryos (her own genetic children) that morning.  Transfer day holds so much excitement and promise!!  You know you are at least pregnant until proven otherwise and just seeing your sweet embies on the flat screen brings out all of your maternal instincts.  I just wish our transfer turned out differently.

So, what's next for us?  Well, while it is really hard right now to envision us having a third child who isn't Keller's sibling, we are still thinking of a couple of options.

1)  Our China adoption (which was started back in 2006!) will be coming up in probably 8 months.

2) Doing another transfer.

If we do another transfer, we would REALLY like to adopt some more anonymous embryos but would like the opportunity for any baby(ies) born to know their genetic siblings, even if they are living in another house.  What I am trying to say is that we would like to "partner" with someone who may have some anonymous sibling embryos left, but don't think that they will be using them or maybe have already relinquished them back to the NEDC.  This way, any baby born will get the chance to know their genetic siblings.  Make sense?  The other way of doing this would be to adopt some anonymous embies and then try to find a family for the remaining embryos.

We already have one couple who has one embryo left over after having triplets.  Dr K. and Lauren at the NEDC think that it shouldn't be a problem for us to adopt this extra embryo as it is still available.  And it would be SO fabulous to know that if a baby is born, it already has 3 genetic siblings waiting to meet him or her!  However, we need more than one to move forward.  So, if you or anyone you know would be interested, let us know!  We can tell you what information we need from there.

3) Our last option would be to do nothing and just settle in with the two sweet girls we already have.  : )

Thanks everyone!
Tracey

Heaven just got a little sweeter

We went in for another round of blood work today to see what my numbers would do.  We really wanted to avoid going to get an ultrasound, if at all possible.  We got the call around 4:30 that my hcG was now around 50 (down from 286).  We were preparing for this moment, so it hasn't been as hard as this past week has been for us.  On the way to a meeting tonight, I thought about what God's reasons could be to not bless us (and Keller) with Keller's siblings and decided that it really didn't matter what the reasons are - I totally trust that He has our best interest and His greater plan in mind.  It gave me a huge amount of peace.  I also have joy knowing that Keller's sweet siblings are in the only home they will ever know - heaven.

Thanks so much for all you have done to encourage and support us.  You are an awesome community!
Tracey

While we wait...

One of my dear fellow EA community friends, Shannon, sent me the sweetest email/post that has helped both my husband and I so much.  With her permission, here is a portion of what she wrote...

"Cast your eyes upon your Savior, friend. Hug tightly to your hubby. slow, deep breaths, lots of outside time and fresh air.

Something I would do during what you are going through presently?

I decided that no matter what, I KNEW that God had chosen me to be a mother to these baby(ies) as long as He numbered their days. What I mean is that I learned to treasure each and every day as their mother from the beginning. 

Go sit and rock your babies in your womb. Pat your belly, sing hymns to them, read Scripture to them. Laugh at thinking about how cute they already are. Smile, cry tears of joy and eternal hope and you know what? The enemy will flee so far away! Rest in His arms and cradle your precious tiny ones during this time. ((hugs))"

These words really hit home for me and helped me in the grieving process.  In another email, Shannon also suggested that I take some pictures while I am still pregnant with the family and Keller.  Such wise words!  I know that Keller will appreciate those pictures in years to come.  Funny thing is that we already have a photo shoot set up for this Saturday.  But, we took one this morning just in case something happens before then.   I know that the final word isn't out there yet, but I am preparing my heart for what looks like the inevitable.

Me, Keller, and sweet embie in tow : )

I can't even begin to tell you how appreciative I am of our EA community.  I haven't met any of you except for Krisa, yet you have become dear friends.  I am so very grateful for the love and support you have poured out to me over the past couple of weeks.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  

I am going in for one more blood draw on Thursday just to see where the HcG level is to determine if I definitely need to go to get an ultrasound.  I'd rather avoid it, if at all possible.  I will let you all know the results when I get them.  

Thanks so much again : )

Tracey

5 weeks pregnant

Hey all,

My beta came back at 286 today, which had a doubling time of about 58 hours.  Our nurse told us that they were fine with the doubling rate, but that a number of 286 at 5 weeks is really really low.  Still not completely impossible, but it isn't looking good.  They want me to go in for an ultrasound in the next couple of weeks.

If we don't have a viable pregnancy, I sure would like to know sooner than later, but I don't know that getting an ultrasound next week will tell us what we need since my numbers are so low.  The nurse seemed to think that I may have to have the u/s repeated if I go in next week.

I've gotta say that this is a grueling process : (  We are grieving, but also trusting in God and experiencing His peace.  There is joy knowing that Keller's little siblings may be ushered straight into Jesus's arms instead of ever walking here on this earth.  We definitely would like to meet them, but it also feels so good to know that they are no longer in the frozen tundra state.

We will keep you posted... please pray that God gives us some finality soon.

Tracey