Michael is Out of Jail

Yes.  Michael got out of jail at 3pm today, but we still don't know much about where he stands.  I spoke with Janie tonight, but she hasn't gotten a chance yet to talk with him about it all.  It has been a big day with seeing the kids and having Michael's mother over (who doesn't know about the pregnancy and subsequent adoption).  I think they will not get a chance to talk until they go to sleep tonight.  Keep praying!  Tomorrow we should know something.  My mom and I watched 2 parts of the "Why Worry" series today from church which greatly helped our state of mind. 

In the meantime, Sadie has been gaining weight steadily and how weighs 3lbs 8oz!  We are so proud of her.  She also took a bottle for every feeding today!  That was a huge accomplishment.  

More tomorrow... 

Kangaroo Care

One of the things that research has proven is that Kangaroo Care is really good for preemies.  Kangaroo Care is a way of holding a preterm infant so that there is skin-to-skin contact between the infant and the person holding it.  The baby, wearing only a diaper, is held against the parent's bare chest.  It is labeled kangaroo care because this method is similar to how a kangaroo is carried by its mother.  Researchers have found that the close physical contact with the parent can help to stabilize the preterm infant's heartbeat, temperature, and breathing.  They have also found that preterm infants who experience kangaroo care have longer periods of sleep, gain more weight, decrease their crying, and have longer periods of alertness, and earlier hospital discharge.  We are all for all of that!!  So, after hearing about this kind of care, I asked the nurses about it and told them I wanted to try it.  Tonight was our second session and Sadie sure did love it.  Mom and I both thought she was extremely peaceful.  Her head rests on my chest so that she can also hear my heartbeat, which soothes her.  I think I love it as much as she does!

A Few Pictures of Bathtime

Here are some cute pictures of bathtime and getting all dressed up with nowhere to go but the incubator!  Her t-shirt says "This is my little black dress".  

Our Day at Janie and Michael's House

It is so hard to remember and journal through all of the events from only a week.  So much has happened.  It is pretty crazy!  The reason we ended up going to Janie's house last week was because she was still in ICU and her father had her boys.  She was highly concerned about the fact that her dad had the kids and kept saying that he wouldn't know how to care for them.  She asked us several times to go and get the kids and keep them after realizing that she was having such bad complications from the pregnancy. We originally told her we would.  Now, I have to tell you that I was scared to death to get her kids because I haven't parented anyone and having 2 toddlers who haven't been very disciplined in a hospital was going to be a major challenge.  Plus dealing with Janie and Sadie in critical condition.  God pulled through for us though and we were offered the Hospitality House for free and they don't allow kids to stay.  When the nurses heard what I was going to do - getting her kids - they convinced me that I was already overburdened with Sadie and needed to focus on her.  So, I spoke with Janie's dad to make sure that he was ok keeping the boys and he assured me that he was.  Janie started doing better by the time I let her know that we couldn't keep them and she sounded ok with it.  But, she wanted for me to pick her mother-in-law up to take her to the house to watch the kids until she could return.  She felt much better having her there as her dad had never changed a diaper nor given them a bath.  She also asked us to look at the plumbing in the kitchen because it had stopped up and she knew that her mother-in-law would not be able to wash dishes.  

So, that was how our hour trip to Paintsville began.  The intention was to go to the jail to meet Michael and to let him know that Janie had given birth, to pick up Michael's mom to take her to the house to watch the kids, and to take care of a few household items.  So, we made the hour drive in the morning after seeing sweet Sadie.  We met Michael and instantly liked him.  He was very friendly and seemed receptive to us.  We left him and went to pick up Jean, the mother-in-law, to take her on a few errands (pick up prescription at drugstore and to go through the Wendy's for 10, yes TEN, Jr. Cheesburgers for the family to eat) and then over to Janie's house.  

Once we got to Janie's, Jeff (super rockstar handyman) assessed the situation and figured out what we needed to purchase at Lowe's.  We decided to also replace the front porch light that continuously flickered on and off and to add a deadbolt onto the front door.  Janie had mentioned those items over our various phone conversations.  So, we made a trip to Lowe's and then Jeff got to work.  I should let him blog about the kitchen sink plumbing repair because he said it was the most disgusting thing he has ever done.  The leak was so bad that it had rotted out the entire subflooring in the cabinet.  And of course, you could see pacifiers and other items down in the rotted out area.  The leak was caused by what looked like cereal jammed in the pipes and so when Jeff opened it up, the smell was horrific.  It was a rancid milk smell and I could see Jeff about gag a few times.  But, my hero totally fixed them up with new plumbing that now is clog and leak-free!  Janie's boys helped out along the way.  

The boys, Jayden (7), Payton (2) and Isaiah(3), are absolutely beautiful kids (pictures above: Isaiah left, Payton right).  But, they are definitely not disciplined much and don't have a lot of structure.  We learned that the oldest, Jayden, puts himself to sleep around 2am after watching TV.  While there, Payton got into a box of nails and the mother-in-law wasn't paying a bit of attention.  He also stuck his hand in the fire that heats the house.  The front porch doesn't have a guard rail and has a 6 foot drop on one side yet Payton is not watched when he walks out there.  It was all very disheartening to us.  

The house is also in bad shape in various ways.  Mentioned above, the sub-flooring was rotted out under the kitchen sink.  You can literally see dirt when you open up the doors.  The linoleum floor is really shot and needs to be replaced.  A couple of windows are boarded up and need replacing and a guard rail most definitely needs to be added to the porch!  Jeff and I would like to go up in the Spring to see about taking care of some of these needs.  We are also in contact with a ministry called Christian Appalachian Project that serves families in need in this region.  The director, Harold, is WONDERFUL and wants to have Jeff and I over for dinner.  He has adopted 5 children and has 3 of his own.  I am hoping that they can also help this family.

Several people have asked me about helping out our family for Christmas and I am SO appreciative!  We plan on getting some presents for the boys, a Walmart giftcard for Janie and Michael, and hopefully also help them in purchasing a car (they will get some money after the adoption to go towards this purchase) so that they can work and go back to school.  Janie has some college education in elementary education and would like to finish her degree, but doesn't have the money.  She can get financial aid, but needs a quarter of school paid for in order to get her grades back up.  She always had good grades until the kids came along.  Once her grades are back up, financial aid will kick back in and pay for the rest.  

Jeff is busy at the new house moving in.  Thanks again to all who chipped in last night to help him move out.  We have amazing friends and feel very blessed.  My dad is coming this weekend and will drive back to the new house on Monday to help unpack boxes.  Jeff should be coming back to KY on Monday.  I am praying he can get here because I think that is when all of the adoption will go one way or another.  Michael gets out on Sunday.  

This morning I had a really good time with the Lord while rocking in a chair next to Sadie's incubator.  He put Matthew 26:39 on my heart... "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will."  I prayed that prayer that Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane as it relates to this situation.  I definitely desire to come home with Sadie in my arms, but I think I have come to a place of surrender and trust that God has the very best in store for me.  I can trust that if this adoption does not go through, He knows best.  I get some sense that there is much more at stake than just my desire to become a mom.  Ultimately, I desire what my Heavenly Father desires and if it isn't for me to be a mom to Sadie, then I can endure with His grace.  I have to tell you that coming to this point of surrender is the most peaceful place to be.  It has offered me so much strength.  I know this strength is only by His grace.  I am grateful for this situation in teaching me, once again, the power of His strength in my weakness.  

My First Bottle

Sadie has started eating from a bottle!  They gave her her first bottle the day before yesterday.  She was only allowed to drink from the bottle once a day because it wears her out.  So the first day she drank 10ccs, yesterday she drank 15ccs and this morning she finished the whole thing!  The doctor has now said that she can drink from a bottle more than once a day as long as she is awake and alert.  She is a trouper! 

Continuing on with the Story...

Thank you SO very much for all of your prayers and encouragement to me the past couple of days.  And for all of the friends who have helped pack up our house and get us moved.  It is simply amazing how many of you are involved.  Friends have always told me that in crisis it is so humbling to see the outpour of people surround you in your time of need.  I now know firsthand.  I literally cry through emails and voicemails from friends.  Thank you just doesn't seem enough.  Especially when I don't even have the energy to express my gratitude back to each call or email.  The way that I feel is really quite amazing in that on one hand I feel totally broken and weak and on the other hand God somehow gives me strength through His Word and your encouragement.  I feel like you are lifting my arms like in the story with Moses..."So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill.  As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.  When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it.  Aaron and Hur held his hands up - one on one side, one on the other - so that his hands remained steady till sunset.  So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword." (Ex 17:10-13)  You all are my Aaron and Hur keeping me from losing the battle of hopelessness and despair!

Right now we are in a waiting phase.  Jeff and I both felt very unified in our desire to serve Michael and this family even if we don't get anything in return.  Yesterday the Lord gave me strength through Philippians 2:5-11 and Mark 10:43-45.  Both talk about Jesus taking on the position of a servant.  "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all." (Mark 10:43-44).  As much as I desire to be a mother, my purpose and calling in all of this is much greater.  We are called to be servants and to put others first.  I am called to love and serve Michael and this family regardless of his actions towards me.  Jeff and I both agree that Michael has not had many people in his life who have really been there for him.  His father has never even met his other 3 children.  Janie tells us that trust does not come easy for him.  Our prayer is that we can love him with the love of Christ.  We know that Christ's love transforms lives!

While we wait this week, Janie continues to improve.  I talk with her everyday and literally love her more and more each time we talk.  She is so concerned for me and my emotions with all of the drama unfolding.  Last night we had a few laughs together over various parts of this story.  She told me that the nurses in her hospital keep telling her that this story is what movies are made of.  I get the same thing on this end.  So, we joked about writing a movie for Lifetime and making millions when all of this is over.  We haven't figured out the title just yet, but give us time.  : )  She still feels certain that she can talk Michael into signing the papers.  And on another note, the social worker told us yesterday that if he didn't sign, then a case would be opened because Janie has already relinquished her rights.  Opening up a case would mean that a social worker would be out at their house and in all of their business really quick.  Michael is not going to want that because he is very fearful of losing his other 3 boys at home.  The social worker is going to talk with Janie about all of this and be available for Michael to talk to as well.  

Well, I thought I'd be able to catch you all up on our time spent with Janie's family at her house, but this blog has taken me too long to write.  But when I do, I will include some pictures of the visit as well.  Jeff repaired some plumbing and electrical work and added a dead bolt lock on their front door.  Her boys wanted to "help".  It was really cute.  However, the house was definitely in bad shape.  We would like to do a lot more on another visit.  

Thanks so much again for all you are doing for us!  

We need serious prayer

Hey Everyone,

We have had a setback today.  Michael (husband and possible birthfather) would not sign the papers needed for the adoption in jail.  I was with both him and the attorney and he told the attorney that he thought he would go through with it, but that he didn't want to sign everything in jail.  We really aren't sure what will happen.  He isn't getting out of jail until this Sunday, so I have about another week before I will know what will actually happen.  I would really appreciate prayers for God to protect my heart and mind through this incredible trial that He has let me face.  Two things that I am hearing from God:  1) Do you trust me, Tracey?  2) Will you give even when you aren't receiving anything in return?  In other words, will I continue to remain committed to caring for Janie, Sadie, and her family even if I don't get to bring Sadie home?  

I would so appreciate your prayers.  My mom and I have committed to staying up here with Sadie until we know what will happen.  She hasn't chosen this and she knows our voices and smells and we feel it best to not abandon her just to protect our hearts.  She is doing really well and continues to improve.  Janie (birthmom) is upset about Michael's decision and wants me to stay.  She feels that she can convince Michael of this adoption plan once he gets out of jail.  However, we just really don't know what will happen in the end.  

Jeff and I are so appreciative that we are not in this alone.   Thanks for your prayers.