How Great is Our God!

Thank you all so very much for the outpouring of prayers and encouragement.  I have been feeling much stronger today and am so grateful.  I absolutely know, without a doubt, that your prayers have been holding me up.  Yesterday, I was fearing having to be alone today at the house, but after I cried on Jeff's shoulder this morning immediately following "Good morning", he asked his boss for another couple of days off. He says he has never seen me this way with so many emotional swells.  I guess I don't think I have ever felt this way either. So, with the extra days off, we headed out to my parent's house on the lake and began gaining strength upon leaving the house.

I promised to share more details of the weekend journey.  Bear with me -  it is a long one.  Lots of craziness to share : )

Friday afternoon Janie called me several times, but I hadn't heard the phone.  I finally heard her 4th call, but missed it before I could pick up.  I called back the number she called on and Three Rivers Medical Center picked up, the place where she was to deliver the baby.  I began to assume that Janie had gone into labor, but when I asked to speak to her, they told me she wasn't there.  While I was on the phone with them, she beeped in again, so I clicked over.  Why on earth was the hospital telling me that she wasn't a patient there?  She proceeded to tell me that she had gone in for a sonogram and that she found out she was having a girl, not a boy, and that Michael now wanted to keep it since it was a girl.  Janie had called me on Christmas Day to tell me that she was having a boy.  So, it all seemed very odd to all of a sudden be switching.  I think that it is somewhat common to make a mistake and think a baby is a girl and then it turn out to be a boy, but not the opposite!  Plus, she had been telling me recently that she felt that everything with the adoption would probably be ok as long as the baby was a boy.  Those comments all seemed weird to me now that the baby suddenly switched genders.  I told her very bluntly that she would need to sign a HIPPA agreement so that we could see her medical records for us to substantiate anything that she was saying.  And, of course, she made a lot of excuses why that might not be the best idea.  It was heartbreaking because at that moment I definitely knew she had probably been lying to me all along.

After getting off of the phone with her, I began processing what she was saying and I couldn't get the background sound from where she was calling out of my head.  I knew she was calling from the hospital, but I was assuming that she was calling from some phone outside of wherever she had her sonogram.  However, behind her voice was the beeping of a monitor and the sound of people talking, like on a TV.  It began to occur to me that she was at the hospital in a room and most likely had already had the baby.  I just couldn't shake the feeling.  Jeff had gotten home shortly after I spoke with her and so I urged him that we needed to go up to KY to find out what was going on.  At the time, my main purpose was to go to the hospital to see if she was there and to make sure that she wasn't working with yet another agency.  I couldn't handle knowing that the baby might be placed elsewhere.  We didn't have a great plan from there, but knew we had to figure all of this out and get some sort of truth!

We took Sadie to my parents house Friday night and went to sleep so that we could wake up early the next morning.  The drive to KY is about 9 1/2 hours.  We woke up at 4am and I called the hospital again.  My hope was that the night shift would be a bit more relaxed and I might get more information from them.  Jackpot.  I called and asked for Janie.  The operator said, "Hold on a minute please." She then came back and asked who was calling.  What hospital does that??  I said, "Tracey." She then said, "Hold on another minute."  When she came back several minutes later, she said, "We don't have anyone by that name here."  At that moment, I knew with every ounce of my being that she was there.  Being a nurse, I know that patients can ask for complete confidentiality and force the hospital to tell anyone who calls that they aren't there.

Jeff and I loaded up the car and headed out at 5am.  Around 6am, I realized that Janie had called me from the hospital again.  She left a message and told me that they (the hospital) told her that we had called.  She said she hoped it meant that I wasn't angry with her anymore (is she crazy?) and that she would call me again later.  I later found out that she was heavily sedated on a pain pump from the c-section.  She probably wasn't thinking clearly when she called me back that morning.  We were so grateful to have our confirmation that she was there.  So, our main goal became to make sure that she wasn't working with another agency.  We still couldn't figure out why she would lie to us about the delivery unless it was because there was another adoptive family there and didn't want us there to find out.

While driving up there, we were trying to call our attorney, whom we could not reach.  He was out of town for a funeral.  We felt pretty alone in our journey and not really sure how to go about what we wanted to accomplish.  Our thinking was that we would talk with a hospital administrator and tell them what was going on and to ask them to tell us what we needed to do to find out whether a 3rd party was involved.  Janie finally called again around 12pm and we went 'round and 'round with lies upon lies.  I truly just couldn't believe it was coming to this.  But, she did finally admit that she had the c-section and that she was in the hospital.  She lied again and said that after the sonogram, her blood pressure went up and they did an emergency c-section.  The main thing I kept telling her was that she would need to give us a HIPPA release or else we would most likely go to the police to press charges.  She kept hedging on that request and saying that she didn't understand why I didn't just believe her.  It was horrible.

When we got to the hospital, we figured out pretty fast that we wouldn't be able to just walk in with anonymity.  It is probably a 40 bed hospital.  So, while sitting in the parking lot after driving 9 1/2 hours, we didn't have much of a plan!  But, I just KNEW that we needed to be there.  So, we decided to call the hospital and talk with a social worker.  She was REALLY nice and apologetic, but told us that she couldn't give us any information.  Road block.  So, we decided that we would just go ahead and call Janie and tell her that if she wasn't working with another agency, that she should be ok with us coming up to visit her.  She replied that is was fine with her, but that her family was there at the moment.  Could we come back that night?  She then proceeded to tell me that her Dad was just about to walk out to his car right then.  He had just left her room to go and find Michael.  She said, "You will probably see him going to his red truck!"  She was talking like we were old friends again, which I found interesting since we had just had a very tense conversation 2 hours before.  I again later found out that she was heavily sedated and actually thought that it might be a dream that we had been there.  But, we drove around to the front of the hospital and saw her Dad, brother, and oldest son walking out of the hospital.  I hadn't realized the implications at first, but seeing Jaydan (her son) confirmed for me that she wasn't working with another agency.  I absolutely knew that she wouldn't have her son there if she was placing the child for adoption. She was actually celebrating with her family.

This celebration with family coming to the hospital is what did me in emotionally.  During the conversation with Janie, I heard her baby girl cry.  I couldn't get it out of my head as we were heading out from the hospital.  It started to dawn on me that she lied to me about having the baby because she hadn't ever planned on placing it with us.  Instead, she planned on having her own family there to celebrate and welcome their little girl into the world.  It all seemed so cruel and unjust.  It was the first time I broke down into gut wrenching sobs.

Jeff and I took a short drive to Ashland, KY to check-in to a hotel there as we were planning on going back to see Janie later that night.  But, on the way to the hotel, we drove past the hospital where Sadie was born and I asked Jeff to pull over.  It was a beautiful day out and I really desired to walk the path between the hospital and the Hospitality House where we stayed while Sadie was in the NICU.  There is just something divine about that hospital for me and I wanted to be reminded of God's goodness in the midst of this tragedy we were walking through.  So, we walked through the hospital, up to the NICU where we had walked so many times to see Sadie, and then down to the cafeteria to a table we sat at many times to look out over a park that was situated next door.  Being in that hospital moves me.  It is where we met and fell in love with our precious Sadie Grace and where we fell more deeply in love with our Savior.  It is where God met us in such amazing ways and where the body of believers - you! - ministered to us time and time again through your phone calls, care packages, emails, and cards.  We entered a huge battle of faith at the hospital there and gained ground.  Not because we walked away with Sadie Grace, but because we had surrendered our will to God's and decided that He was most certainly all we needed and more.  And most of the time meant it : )  And yet He DID choose to give us our best gift through that experience.  We are humbled and so grateful.  We know that we don't deserve anything and are truly grateful for any blessing He chooses to pour out on us.

As we sat in the cafeteria it dawned on me that it was God's perfect timing and grace to allow me to see Janie's family leave the hospital.  It not only confirmed that they weren't working with another agency, but also helped bring me some resolution and closure.  Not that the resolution was what I wanted, but resolution none-the-less.  We decided that we didn't want to see Janie, Michael and the baby as it would cause too much emotional pain for us and so we started heading back to Georgia.

On the way back home, a good friend from our small group was at church Saturday evening and texted us.  She said that they were worshipping and heard a song that reminded them of us and so they taped part of it and sent it to us in the text.  I clicked on the song and "How Great is Our God" began to play.

If you haven't heard the song, you can listen to it here.

Again, another gift from God.  That song ALWAYS reminds me of another couple (I'll call L and S as it is late and I haven't asked if I can post their story yet!) we know in one of our previous small groups whose full-term baby died on her due-date.  The entire small group was at the hospital as they were preparing to deliver the baby.  She asked me if I would bring my CD player and "How Great is Our God" song to the hospital so that they could play it while they delivered the baby.  We all waited outside of the delivery room and after they delivered the baby, S came out to let us know how it went.  I honestly can't put into adequate words the look on his face as he explained what happened in the room.  He told us how beautiful the baby was and with a look of wonder, surprise, gratefulness and hope, exclaimed, "I have so much PEACE!  I have so much PEACE!"  It still gives me chill bumps just typing those words out.  I think it is by far one of the most divine moments I have ever experienced.  We know that God sent us that song as a reminder of His goodness, grace, peace and hope in the midst of this tragedy.  That is SO like God.  He is a God of wonders.

I've got more to share, but I am sure you are probably worn out reading all of this as I am typing it all!  So, tomorrow I will try to tell you about a phone call I received today that brought some more surprising revelations and also about our pursuit to press criminal charges.  I am feeling like I can't really grieve the loss of the baby well until we can put Janie and Michael behind us.  I have had way too many imaginary conversations in my head with Janie, which I know is not healthy.  These are beginning to subside today, which I am grateful for.  It is all so overwhelming and the implications for Sadie staggering.  Thanks so much again for all of your prayers.  We need much wisdom and clarity as we navigate these foreign waters.  We are grateful for you!

The Adoption Fell Through

Thanks so much for tracking with us.  I will have more details up on the blog when I can muster up the energy and strength.  It is all very, very sad and very hard to process.  We believe that Janie and Michael never intended to place this child with anyone and that it was all part of an adoption scam.  She called me on Friday and told me that she had just had a sonogram and that the baby is a girl, not a boy, and that Michael now wanted to keep it.  We believe she has known it was a girl all along, but was using this as an excuse to get out of it at the end.  Not that she told me in the beginning that if it was a girl, Michael wouldn't want to go through with it, but just that it made some sort of believable story that they actually changed their mind at the very end of the pregnancy.  We wanted the baby regardless of the sex.  She didn't tell me on Friday that she was having the baby.  I could just hear a monitor in the background and put 2 and 2 together.  We headed up to KY early Saturday morning to confirm as the hospital was telling me that they had no patient by the name of Janie Young.  We feared she was working with yet a third agency and was about to place the child with them.  I will go into the details in a later post, but we found out they were definitely going to keep and parent the child.  For now, just know that we feel EXTREMELY betrayed by two people whom we have invested in for the past 15 months.  We just can't seem to wrap our brains around all of this happening.  And we now have to figure out how and what to do about pressing criminal charges against them.  All in the midst of grieving the dream of coming home with a little baby boy.  We are devastated.

The only thing that is sustaining me at this point is listening to praise music incessantly.  God is SO amazingly faithful and good.  I seriously have no idea how I would manage this pain without Him.  He is my unfailing love.  His grace truly is sufficient for me.

Janie's Doctor Visit

I forgot to mention in my last post that Janie went to the doctor Wednesday afternoon and he is pleased with her progress.  She is at 35 weeks now and he wants her to go into the hospital to get a measurement of the baby and then for another follow-up visit early next week.  We don't think she will make it much past 37 weeks, as both of her boys were delivered then.  But, you never know.  Although this baby can't come soon enough for us at this point, we are very grateful that it probably won't be a preemie!

Right out of Jerry Springer...

Our adoption took a crazy left turn on Monday afternoon.  I don't even know how I am going to capture this week on paper, but it all started with a phone call from a social worker up at the hospital where Sadie was born. We missed seeing this social worker, Annie, during our trip to see Janie and Michael last November when we visited the NICU unit at this hospital.  While we were visiting, we told the nurses that we were in process of adopting Sadie's biological sibling and could possibly be back at the NICU in the future.  They took pictures of Sadie and when we left I told them to tell Annie we said "hello".  It was the weekend, and she wasn't working.  I was somewhat surprised to hear her voice on the other side of the phone on Monday, but also excited as she was a pivotal player in Sadie's adoption and loved the opportunity to get to say "hello".  But as we were catching up socially for a minute, in the back of my mind I was totally wondering why on earth she was calling me after not talking with her since we left the hospital with Sadie. She finally said, "The reason I am calling is that I got a phone call from a lawyer who was informing me of all the players in an upcoming adoption happening here at the hospital.  The lawyer mentioned that the birth parents were Janie and Michael and the adoptive couple was a couple in Massachusetts."  At that point, she proceeded to tell me that when she got Janie's name, she remembered who she was and that we had adopted her child, Sadie, and had heard through the NICU that we were in process of adopting her sibling. She was thinking that maybe the adoption fell through for us, but felt like she should track down my number and find out for sure.  Obviously, the worst was true... Janie and Michael were a part of adoption fraud.

So, after MANY phone calls to the agency in MA, our lawyers, etc... it all came out.  Janie and Michael had been receiving monthly support from this agency, as well as from us, since last October.  They had been recently matched with an adoptive couple a month ago.  It was the exact time when Janie started completely acting out of character with me and was in somewhat of a panic asking me what all of the options were if Michael changed his mind.  Reflecting back, I wonder if she was trying to see how it would affect us and our relationship if she went with this agency.  She might have felt more comfortable telling us "no" just because we have a good relationship.  I guess I will never know.

I spoke with the agency again on Tuesday morning and they told me that she was definitely acting wishy washy with them as well, and so her gut feeling was that Janie had intended to either place the child with us or with neither of us.  The birth mom coordinator at the agency called Janie on Tuesday morning, confronted her with the truth and got hung up on.  It definitely wasn't looking positive for us.  I called Janie and left her a message leaving A LOT of room for them to call us back, but didn't hear a thing all day.  Finally, I left another message saying that I hoped that they had intended to place this child with us the whole time and not scam us as well, but that we would have to assume the worst if we didn't hear from them.  In the meantime, I was researching adoption fraud cases and talking to our lawyer to figure out how to proceed if we wanted to press charges.

That night I was pretty flat.  I couldn't even process or grieve the fact that we weren't going to be bringing Keller home because I just couldn't wrap by brain around the relational betrayal.  And I did not at all think we would be hearing from them.

But, at 12:30am I got a phone call from Janie and when I answered, she hung up.  I figured she was just really scared and so I called back and left a message telling her to call again and I wouldn't pick up this time so that she could leave a message.  Sure enough, 40 minutes later she called again.  She said, amongst other things, that they had always intended to place the child with us and not with the agency.  I called her back again and told her to call me in the morning.

She called me around 9am yesterday morning and we got a chance to talk for a long time.  Her story is that all of this started because they are being extorted for money.  In order for Michael to get probation and not 15 years of jail, they basically had to turn in every drug dealer in their town.  It hasn't left them with a lot of friends.  Janie is saying that they are paying a couple of guys (or their friends or family- not sure) that were turned in in order to keep them from harming them or their family (remember they have 3 boys).  I knew during Sadie's pregnancy that Janie had been attacked at one point from one of these guys and she was extremely scared.  But, to be honest, I really don't know if she is telling me the truth.  I do believe that they are probably being extorted for money, but who knows what for.  She also tried to tell me that Michael didn't know anything about this second agency, but that is extremely hard to believe and I told her so.  She replied, "Well, I guess it is probably pretty hard to believe anything I say right now."  Smart girl.  The reason she would try to protect Michael is because he is on probation already and would go back to jail for a long, long time for this fraud.

She also told me that they do want to still place this child with us and that she was going to the doctor that afternoon to see how she was doing.  We definitely want to bring this little boy home.  Even more so now that we know the kind of life he would be living, if he stayed with them.  When all of this broke open, Sadie was in the middle of a nap.  Getting her up after hearing this news, I can't BEGIN to tell you how much my heart sank for her that her birth parents had to screw this good relationship with us up.  But, I also looked at her and thanked GOD for plucking her sweet little spirit up out of Kentucky and placing her in our home.  I just can't get over how He sovereignly does that.  He has a purpose and a plan behind it and we are so blessed to have her a part of our family.

Prayers for us?
I know this may sound odd, but our biggest prayer is not that we would bring this baby boy home.  Do we want that with all of our heart?  Absolutely.  But, the biggest thing on our hearts is that we would be good stewards of this situation and walk through it with integrity, entrusting all of the results to God.  It is SO very easy to want to try to control and/or manipulate the situation now that they could be charged with fraud, but we don't want to do that just so that we get what we want.  Well, we do, but we don't.  : )  We just don't want to miss out on what God has in store for us.  We want His name STAMPED all over this situation regardless of how it turns out!!!!!  And we want to experience Him throughout the journey.  We really do trust that if we are supposed to have this child, we will.  The way that God wrote the story of Sadie's adoption is definitely not the way I would have written it and yet it was FAR better.  I pray we end up with another story that strengthens our faith during this situation.

The other thing you can pray for is for Janie and Michael's 3 boys.  We really aren't sure if they will go to jail or not at this point.  If they do, we don't know what will happen with the boys.

The last thing is that Janie and Michael will choose to do the next right thing.  I so desire for them to experience the freedom that comes from obedience to God.  Right now, they are in total bondage to their life of lies and self protection.  If only they knew how much God could turn all of this around for them, if they would choose to trust Him.  They will very well have serious consequences, but at least they would experience God's amazing, amazing grace and presence throughout.

As you can imagine, we are emotionally exhausted.  So, we might not want to return calls, etc... to rehash the whole story right away, but please know that your love, encouragement, and prayers mean the world to us.  We couldn't do this life without you!

A Few Pictures...

Ok. So, I have a few pictures to share in order to get this blog started off right : ) Here are a couple of pictures of our little boy's room. My mom helped me make the curtains and we still need to hem those at the bottom and I would like to add some animal spots to the letters in "Keller", but other than that, we are close to being done!

Isn't the monkey picture cute? The sister of my good friend, Bianca, painted that for me. Love it!

Our Second Adoption!

Welcome back, friends and family! Recently, a couple of good friends of mine threw me a shower and someone asked if I would have the blog up and running again. There it was. The question that helped me to get this blog back on my "to-do" list of things to accomplish before the baby actually arrives. Grateful to no longer be procrastinating. : )

For those of you who are new to our story, we are in process of adopting our first daughter's biological sibling. Her birth mom, Janie, is pregnant again and due March 30th. Janie has preeclampsia, so we aren't sure exactly when she will deliver, but we know it will probably be at 37 weeks tops. This child will be Janie and Michael's (Janie's husband) child. The reason they are placing the child for adoption is because they cannot provide for the child financially. And, as I get this question probably more than any other - yes, she is planning on having her tubes tied during this delivery. : )

Many things are different through this adoption than with Sadie. One BIG one is that our little guy's room is actually almost finished. I will post a picture soon. As some of you may remember, we hadn't even moved when Sadie was born. So, needless to say, her room wasn't even close to being done when she arrived. Plus we had a bazillion boxes to go through and unpack when we came home with her. My mom graciously had painters paint the room pink, but that was about it. We didn't even have a wall up in between her room and ours (the previous owners took it down). Today, having the room pretty much done and not having the stress of moving in the process puts me in a much better emotional place. Again, grateful.

Another thing different is that we already know the birthparents. And we have a relationship with them. It puts our minds a little bit at ease. However, Janie has recently expressed doubts that Michael will sign the papers once the baby arrives. She assures me that this doubt is nothing that Michael has verbally shared, she just wonders if he will do the same thing as he did with Sadie. And she is fearful for what that would mean for our relationship. I am not really sure how to take all of this right now, but I can tell you that I am SO very grateful for a God who is completely in control of this outcome. I don't have to control or manipulate anything because I know that if He desires for us to have this child, it will happen. And if it doesn't happen, I can trust that God has a good reason for it. Who has been praying for me? Whoever you are, I am very thankful as I can honestly say that I feel a huge amount of peace this week about it all!

Updated Pictures!

Hey Everyone!

I have been HORRIBLE about keeping up with the blog!  It is hard to keep up when you've got a house to unpack, a job to come back to, and a sweet 9 lb baby to love on!  

We have gotten pretty much everything unpacked, but still have some major home projects to complete.  We had someone over last week tearing down the lovely blue, white, and red floral wallpaper in our guest bath.  My wonderful hubby widened the doorway into the bathroom for my mom so that she could easily enter with her wheelchair.  The new paint is on the wall and pictures hung.  Now all we need is some tile on the floor!

I started back at my job at North Point Community Church a couple of weeks ago.  I must say that getting out of the house a couple days each week is very refreshing for me.  My mom has committed to coming each week to stay with Sadie so that she doesn't have to be in daycare with the cold and flu season at full-force.  I am really grateful that Sadie has this time with her Granny.  I am not sure how much longer my parents will be living in Georgia as they have plans to move to Virginia in the next several years.  

Sadie is doing great!  She has some issues with reflux, but not nearly as bad as I have heard other kids having it.  She is taking Prevacid now and we ordered a few specialty items like a wedge to sleep on to make her more comfortable.  But, she is gaining weight steadily!  She was 8.10 lbs a week ago!  She has started to smile every now and then and she definitely gazes steadily at Jeff and I.  We can't wait till she is even more interactive with us!

Christmas time was spent at my parents' house.  My brother Trip and his family came into town.  Then my other brother, Randy, and his family came in for New Years.  We all had a great time.  Sadie sure does love all of the gifts too!  (OK.  so maybe mom appreciates them more

 right now!)

Here are a few pictures from Christmas...

My brother, Trip, feeding Sadie. (left)

          

My sister-in-law, Maria. (right)

                                        

Lauren, Sadie's cousin.  

My dad, with Sadie. (right)

Zonked out after a full meal on Granny's lap.  

A few more pictures...

Here is Miss Sadie in her spa.  She loves 

her bath as long as I cover her with several warm washcloths!

Here is a picture of the women who hosted my shower back in December at North Point Community Church.  I felt extremely blessed by all of the women who came to celebrate my joy with me.  Since Sadie couldn't make an appearance, I brought lots of pictures for each table.

That's it for now!  Jeff and I are off to a Marriott downtown this Saturday to celebrate my 40th birthday.  We were supposed to be in Costa Rica with my parents and a couple of friends, but we had to postpone that trip for obvious reasons!  I am looking forward to getting away with my hubby though and seeing a few good movies.  My parents were gracious enough (or was it very excited?) to babysit Sadie for the night.