Keller's Birth Story

Boy, it's hard to find the time to blog these days! I am literally holding Keller in a football hold while breastfeeding and typing on my husband's iPad with the other hand. We moms sure are multi-taskers! : )

So, my story sure isn't what I wished it would have been. Honestly, it is hard to revisit it without crying, but I want to get it written down before I forget. I went into labor naturally while watching American Idol Wednesday night. It started with what I would call moderate menstrual-type cramps that were coming every 5 or so minutes. I called my doula and she told me to try to get as much rest as possible overnight, so we quickly finished packing our last minute items into our bag and then I got in the tub to try to relax before going to bed. I got some sleep, but woke up around 4am with contractions that were still regular, but hadn't seemed to intensify much since the previous night. I got up around 5am and felt what I thought was my water breaking. Not a gush, but a big trickle. At this point, my contractions intensified a bit, so At 6am I decided it was time to call my parents and have them make the 1 1/2 hour trek to Atlanta because I was uncertain as to how long it would take to be in active labor.

I was still contracting when my parents arrived at 8am, but they still weren't largely intensifying, which seemed odd to me. At times I wondered if this was just a false alarm and I made a big deal out of nothing! Jeff and I decided to go for a walk to see if we could get the show on the road. Walking definitely made the contractions stronger, but nothing too unbearable. Fortunately, I had an appointment with my midwife at 11am already scheduled, so we decided to go to it and see what was going on. An ultrasound was on the docket because of my age (NST one week, U/S the next ).

We got to the OB office and went in for the U/S. I was so excited to see Keller as it had been awhile since our last ultrasound. We got set up, were watching the screen and were making idle chit chat with Sandra, the tech, when all of a sudden these letters began appearing on the screen...

B R E E C H

and as I was seeing the word being typed, she tells me the same, "She is breech. I wanted to tell you since you would see me typing it." But she was head down just last week! Whose baby turns in their 38th week? And there was more bad news. My amniotic fluid was low - down to an 8. I never had a gush of water, so we think there was a pinhole leak. My brain was having a hard time processing this new information. I was so disappointed and in shock.  On our way to the examination room, we see Diane our midwife and we told her the news that she was breech.  She immediately says, "Well, let's turn that baby around!" to which the u/s tech says, "She also has low fluid."  I could see the look of concern on Diane's face.  She was so sweet and gracious with me and told me that we don't know why God decides to do these things and that she knew it wasn't what we wanted, but this baby needed to be born today with how low the fluid was.  She consoled me and gave me much needed encouragement, then told me to go home and get my bags without dily-dalying so that we could have this baby.  She also told me that this is why my contractions weren't getting more intense.  Keller's rear end wasn't doing the trick in dilating my cervix.  Bony heads do much better : )

After Diane left the examination room, I just turned to Jeff and cried.  I was still in denial and shock.  A C-section was everything I didn't want in my birth experience.  I know there are a lot of people who love getting c-sections and definitely prefer them to having to go through labor.  I am just not one of them.  I wanted the whole experience in the birthing tub with my doula and candles and soft music with my husband by my side.  I wanted all of the sensations, good or bad, that go with it and I definitely wanted to be able to hold my sweet baby girl the moment she came into the world.  I am welling up just thinking again about what I missed.  With that said, I already feel SO amazingly grateful to God for this most amazing miracle laying next to me.  Oh my goodness, she is such an angel.  And the fact that I can breastfeed just brings tears to my eyes!  Of course, I do weep over EVERYTHING right now!  These post-partum hormones are hilarious!

So, Jeff and I went home, said goodbye to Sadie and my parents, and then turned back around to go to the emergency room for our c-section.  I began to try to remember that at the end of the day, I was going to see Keller in just a few short hours and that got me through the whole experience.  I was terrified of getting the spinal block done since I had so many back issues, but I will have to say that it wasn't that horrible or painful going in.  But, the sensation of not being able to move your legs at will just slightly freaked me out!  I had to pretend that there was a warm blanket sitting across my legs.  My whole body was shaking due to anxiety and being in a cold, sterile operating room.  Not exactly the environment I had pictured for my birth.  Everyone was super nice, but I found it hard to interact much due to my anxiety.  I requested to have my iPhone with me so that I could play my playlist of Christian music that I had planned for the birth.  That music definitely helped, but again, it was hard to concentrate.  When Jeff got in the room, he definitely helped to calm me down and I began to set my mind on seeing baby Keller.  Jeff decided to watch the whole birth over the curtain and I was grateful they allowed him to do that.  Another nurse took pictures of the whole thing for me, so I later was able to see Keller coming out of my womb rear end first!  During all of the tugging, pulling, and pressure, Diane and my doctor told me that they found a large fibroid right next to my cervix that they had to remove.  Speculation was made that maybe that was why Keller turned breech.  Then finally, after one big push on my abdomen, I heard the most beautiful cry and they held Keller up over the curtain for me to see.

They quickly brought her over to the examination table and I lost it!  I was so overcome with the sweetest emotion imaginable and yet was also so sad that I couldn't be right next to my baby.  Jeff rushed over to the table to take pictures and then they finally brought her over to me while they finished stitching me up.  She was already sucking her thumb on the table, which I found adorable.

On the examination table.

The best moment for me.  

Back in the recovery room, I waited to see and hold her.  It was so wonderful when she finally arrived to get to touch all of her fingers and toes.  She is just perfect!

Keller sucking her thumb.  She still loves to suck on just about anything!

Still sucking that thumb!

Diane, our midwife, with Keller on discharge day.

We are doing well at the Scholen household.  I left the hospital a day early because I was feeling so good (relatively speaking).  I think my water aerobics paid off : )  So, we are back at home trying to get adjusted to a family of four.  I have a lactation specialist coming tomorrow to help me work out a few issues and we have meals coming for many weeks from fabulous friends.  My mom came back today to stay for a week and then my best friend comes in for another week after that and then my MIL for 1-2 weeks at the end!  So very grateful for all of the love and support!

I will try to get some cute pictures of Keller up soon.  Just barely surviving right now!  Being a family of 4 is definitely an adjustment.  Especially for my 2 1/2 year old.  She is acting out terribly right now.  I think she is more work than Keller, honestly.  We hope it will get better with time.  We are also hoping the lactation issues get straightened out.  The nurses at the hospital immediately had me using a breast shield with nursing that I have now come to realize is a big "no-no".  So, we are working on breaking Keller of the already ingrained habit of needing it for nursing.

That's it for now!  So excited to see all the baby pictures coming!!

Heading home!

Keller Has Arrived!

Hey All!

I can't go into too much detail here because I am using my phone to post this and it is 2:30 in the morning :), but just wanted to let you know that Keller Kathleen Scholen arrived yesterday at 4:37pm weighing 6 lbs 14.2oz and measuring 19 inches. We are so grateful and totally in love!

Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

I read today that 80% of babies come between 10 days before and 10 days after their due date.  I am 11 days from my due date and am so ready to have this baby.  We have a lot of reasons we would like Keller to come now: 1) Our doula is moving to Florida on June 1st, so we will need to use her backup after she is gone.  2)  It would be nice to have her before Memorial Day weekend to have the extra day off for Jeff and 3)  My parents are going up to Cincinnati, OH for my niece's high school graduation on Monday the 30th (if I am not in labor) and it would take them 7 1/2 hours to get back to Atlanta if I go into labor while they are up there.  Come on out, Baby Keller!!

I am experiencing more Braxton Hicks contractions this week.  I seriously thought I was going into labor on Friday while we were at the Costco, the contractions were so intense and frequent.  But, as soon as I sat down, they went away.  Thursday, I went to my midwife appointment and had my first NST.  Keller was a straight-A student : )  I also got checked and was 100% effaced and at least 2cm dilated.  She couldn't get to the cervix easily because it seems that Keller's head has pushed my cervix posterior a tad.  So, now I am doing pelvic tilts to try to straighten it out so that her head is directly on the cervix again, which helps to progress me.   I know that I could be 2cm dilated and still be weeks away from labor, but it helps to know what is going on with my body and to know that these new pelvic pressures and contractions are doing SOMETHING.  : )

My 38 week belly.

Can't wait to start hearing about all of our new babies!
Tracey

Maternity Pictures

First of all, thanks for the comments on my last blog.  I loved the article shared by Britney and had already had the thought that Keller will be my own "flesh and blood", even if she is not mine genetically.  It was nice to have an article to back it up!  But, the feelings of loss that I am experiencing have more to do with the fact that it would be so exciting for me to be waiting to meet a little girl that was created out of my husband's and my love for each other.  I would so enjoy seeing a little human being that is part of me and part of my husband mixed together.  It just seems so miraculous to me!  It does not at all dim the absolute JOY that I feel for this child though.  It is just a feeling I need to process.  I guess I was just a bit surprised by the feeling since I thought I grieved this loss long ago and put it behind me.  But, like I said, I think that being pregnant just brought the feeling to the surface again.  I know it is absolutely normal and just something I need to process and let go of once again.  Believing and trusting in an absolute sovereign God, whom I know loves me and desires my best makes the loss much easier and I am THRILLED and so very grateful for this gift that He has allowed me to carry.  Can't wait to meet my sweet Keller!

I am 36 weeks now and I think that Keller has officially dropped.  Sometimes it can feel like she is grinding her sweet little head into my pelvis.  It produces all sorts of new feelings and discomforts, but grateful for the progress!  Lightening, as it is called, is supposed to happen 2-4 weeks before labor.  I hope it is closer to 2 than 4. : )

I just got my maternity pictures back from when I had just turned 33 weeks pregnant.  Here are a few of them.  I kind of wish I had waited until now to have them taken as I have a bigger baby bump at this point.  I definitely measure small.  Grateful that Keller is measuring right on track!

By far, my favorite picture.  Sadie loves to give her "scary" face!

I laugh at this picture.  It is probably my favorite of me and hubs,
but I don't think I even look pregnant!  

LOVE this picture of Sadie.  And it shows my bump!

Sadie loves to kiss baby Keller : )

35 Week Update

I don't know how time goes by so fast.  I just realized that I haven't updated in 6 weeks now!  Crazy.  So, here are the highlights....

Sadie's Birthparents... pled guilty a few weeks ago to the adoption fraud charges.  However, the plea was a conditional plea that will be appealed to see if, under KY law, they are really guilty.  KY doesn't have the best adoption fraud laws.  We will be setting a precedent if they are found guilty by the Court of Appeals.  You can read the article about our story here.  We made it to the front cover of the Sunday Metro section in the Atlanta Journal and Constitution a couple of weeks back.  Grateful for the coverage as we would like for the adoption community to rally around getting better laws!

Our Florida Vacation... we decided to go ahead and go on our family vacation this past week and just got back last night.  My midwife thought it would be a great distraction for me to get away and didn't think I was in danger of going into any pre-term labor, so I went with her advice and went!  It was fabulous!  My entire family including parents, two brothers and their families were there.  Lots of help and playmates for Sadie, which was a huge break in and of itself!  Each day consisted of being in the pool and on the lounge chair.  And honestly, being in the pool is my happy place right now.  I feel totally weightless and every ache and pain seems to disappear in the pool.  Lovely!  I will have to say that the ride coming home yesterday was torture though.  We took the trip in 2 days going down, but came the whole way back yesterday and I am paying for it today.  My back is really bothering me, which takes me to the next point.

New Pains... my back has definitely started hurting more over the past couple of weeks.  Not everyday, but if I overdo it one day, I pay for it the next.  And it definitely seems that I can't do quite as much around the house without my legs, feet, and back hurting.  I went and got a prenatal massage the week before we went on vacation.  Pure. Heaven. People!  The therapist has a table for pregnant women where a hole is cut out for your belly.  An adjustable net supports the belly so that your back isn't distended.   My midwife recommended this place and they only charge $85 for 1 1/2 hours!  No tip!  I am going again this Saturday.  I also started going to a chiropractor out of the same office.  She has a special technique for pregnant women that is easier on the body.  I hadn't been to a chiropractor in probably 15 or so years.  I was super sore the next day, but definitely felt better after that.  I go again tomorrow.

Baby Keller... still loves to move all over the place.  I am measuring small, but she is measuring right on track.  Because I am so long-waisted, it seems that still has lots of room to do flips.  She was literally changing from head down to breech a couple of times a day.  I could feel the somersault in my belly.  Not too comfortable!  One morning I went to see my midwife and she was head-down and a couple of hours later went to an ultrasound and she was breech.  It has been a little nuts.  Last week, Keller was head-down and I don't think she has flipped at all while I was on vacation.  Hopefully, she will stay that way!

Another fun thing with Keller is finally experiencing hiccups!  She gets them a couple of times a day.  In fact, she is hiccuping as I type this post!

Honesty... One thing that has kinda surprised me is that this pregnancy has surfaced some new emotions of loss that this child is not mine biologically.  I think being pregnant makes me "feel" like this child should be mine biologically and so it is sad to me to snap back into reality and realize that it isn't.  Please don't misunderstand me - I am SO thrilled to be able to carry my adopted child!  It is just so much different than adopting domestically.  When you adopt domestically from another woman who just gave birth to your child, there is no room to even remotely imagine the child as being your's biologically.  I'd be curious to know if anyone else has had these feelings.

Preparing... for labor and delivery.  I still need to pack my bags, practice a bunch of relaxation techniques, and buy a few things.  Plus, Keller's room still needs to be completely wrapped up.  Our cats had decided to use that room as a litter box over the past year and so we had to have the carpet removed to get new padding.  My husband cleaned and cleaned and cleaned the carpet, but after putting the carpet back in, it still isn't smelling perfect.  ugh!  So, he is going to work on it a little more this week and then we need to put all of the furniture back and get things organized!  She will be here soon!

Hope you all are doing well.  Can't wait to start meeting our babies!
Tracey

29 Weeks and Getting Larger!

There has been a lot going on in the Scholen household since posting last.  I hit 29 weeks last Friday and I can definitely say that physically my body has said, "Welcome to the third trimester!".  I am beginning to have more aches and pains and getting winded more easily.  I laughed when I told my water aerobics instructor that this is the first time that a class has gotten harder for me to do instead of easier as time went on!  Many people tell me that I look small for being 29 weeks.  I think because I am 5'10" and very long-waisted, my uterus has lots of room to expand.  Hopefully, that will mean that I won't feel like my abdomen is in my chest by the time I am full-term : ).

Keller has become quite the little mover and seems to do somersaults in her little space.  It is still so surreal for me to be able to feel and now see her movements just by looking at my abdomen.  I LOVE feeling her move - except on those rare occasions when she kicks so hard it makes me jump!  To me though, this is the BEST part about being preggo.  I love it.

We are almost finished with our birthing class and also went to a class at the hospital where we will deliver, hopefully in the water.  When I saw the room with the tub, everything became a little more real for me.  I started imagining me being there and knowing that at some point in the future, I will be having this baby!  Kinda scary, but exciting as well.  : )

Along with thinking about the birth, I have been trying to figure out a packing list for the hospital.  And we also need to write out our birth plan.  I am so very glad that we hired a doula to help me through the birth and who can be our advocate at the hospital.  It really puts my mind at ease about a lot of things.  I kinda think of her in the same light as a wedding coordinator who has all of those things in her "magic bag" that you didn't realize you needed until there was a crisis of some sort.  A bunch of my friends have used this doula and said that she absolutely was the most beneficial person in the room and helped to get them through their natural birth.

I have also been busy "feminizing" Keller's room.  I added some bows on the curtains and bows to hang the letters of her name over her crib.  I still wouldn't have gone with these colors exactly, but I am happy with the way it is turning out.  I will try to post a few pictures of her room when it is really complete.

My family is taking a trip down to Orlando in April that has been planned since before I got pregnant.  I will be 34 weeks at that point and so I am still unsure if we will go.  I am a little nervous about leaving Atlanta where I know if something happens, I have my OB and doula right here.  I'd love to hear from anyone who can offer advice - would you travel at 34 weeks?  I may just see how I am feeling and talk with my midwife at that point to make a decision, but I'd love anyone's feedback!

The last news is about Sadie's birthparents.  We had a little setback in that Kentucky doesn't have a law specific to adoption fraud and no one has been tried and convicted of adoption fraud under their theft by deception law.  The prosecuting attorney doesn't think the judge will allow our case to be brought to trial because there is no legal contract when it comes to adoption.  You don't enter into a contract to "buy" a baby, so the theft by deception law may not work to convict them.  So, we are considering allowing them what is called a conditional plea.  With a conditional plea, they would be let go getting only probation for pleading guilty and then also have the right to appeal that guilty plea.  When the appeal is brought before the Court of Appeals, they will determine if Janie and Michael are indeed guilty under the theft by deception law.  If they find them guilty, then it will set precedent for the state of KY to use their theft by deception law in other adoption fraud cases.  If they find them not guilty, it will allow the state to write a new law specific to adoption fraud, if they choose.  We aren't thrilled that they would only get probation for their crime, but we are happy that this case could set a precedent in their state for future scams.  We are actually going to be in our Sunday paper here in Atlanta talking about all of this so that the adoption community can hopefully rally around getting this precedent set.  I think that if we can see a precedent set in KY, we will feel like we have done our part and seen something good come out of our trial.

Thanks for following!
Tracey

Sadie's Birthparents

Our biggest news right now is that Sadie's birthparents are both in jail after being served their indictments for the adoption fraud.  We have been working with the commonwealth attorney to figure out what the plea bargain will be, if any, and working through Janie (the birthmom) being on home incarceration because (guess what?) she is pregnant AGAIN!  And not only is she pregnant, but 7 months pregnant!  She must have gotten pregnant 3 months after delivering the baby she didn't place with us.  I absolutely know that she was and/or is working with an agency to receive money again.  She must think this is her new career.  So, Jeff and I feel pretty confident that they need to serve some jail time.  Obviously, they have not learned their lesson yet.  It really breaks my heart.  She has also been calling us collect over the weekend.  We have not accepted those calls.  We believe that she is probably desperate and trying to offer us this new baby so that we will drop the charges against her.  We would be interested in adopting this new baby, but not at the price of dropping the charges.  We are not into baby selling or bribes!  The  sentence for their crime could be anywhere between 10-20 years.  Ouch.  We still haven't landed on what the offer will be.  The attorney really wants to take it to trial because he feels they will get the most jail time that way, but I am not feeling super comfortable with going to trial and testifying in front of them.  Mainly because we still have Sadie and need to explain all of this to her one day and we also don't want to burn bridges with them completely. We still have the slim hope that MAYBE one day they will reform.  I know it is doubtful, but with God all things are possible!  Love always hopes and as crazy as it sounds, I do still love Janie. It is definitely a love that come only from God.  Their pre-trial is on February 11th, so please pray that we have wisdom in all of the decisions we will need to make regarding their case.

On a more cheerful note, I am definitely enjoying feeling Keller kick like crazy.  Sometimes, it makes me well up out of gratitude to God for allowing me this gift of pregnancy.  We just went back to the OB to get some more pictures of Keller's heart this morning and it looks like everything is great.

We started our birthing classes this past Saturday and the first one went well.  Other than the video that we had to watch with, as Jeff says, too many naked women in it.  I think he is planning on opting out on the rest of those. Grateful that I have a man who only wants to see his wife naked! : )  I will have to say that it was a bit liberal with the nudity.  Not just for learning purposes.  Anyway, it was great to get some exercises to work on and relaxation techniques to practice.  Although, have I actually done any of these since Saturday?  No.  And, of course, I am supposed to practice every day.

I have been exercising fairly regularly though.  Woo hoo!  I do a lot of water aerobics at night and even tried a step class that about knocked me over.  It was probably a bit too much for me, being pregnant.  I was huffing and puffing and generally made somewhat a fool out of myself.  The instructor had everyone laying on their bellies at the end of the class to stretch our quads, so I had to modify a lot of various portions like that during the class and couldn't keep up with a lot of it.  I'm pretty athletic and have never had trouble keeping up before, so this was a new humbling experience for me. Especially since you still can't really tell that I am pregnant in most of my workout clothes.  I just look chunky! All worth it, of course!  : )

Here is one picture from this morning...

Thanks for reading and following!
Tracey